Back in early April, I was asked to be a presenter at the Yoga Journal Conference in NY, and I thought it was a joke. The person that had contacted me, I had never heard of before. And yet, somehow, he heard of me. After verifying that this was in fact legit, I quickly accepted the request. About ten minutes after I said yes, panic set in.
Speaking in front of people has never been my strongest point, although it seems like I do this every day when I teach a class. In classic Stephanie style, I waited until the week before to put together the presentation and hoped for the best. Luckily I had help from loved ones and my assistant Jill.
The night before the conference was the most stressful. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax, the only thing I did do was toss and turn and check the time every 10 minutes.
We arrived at the conference a half hour early, just enough time to get set up. I had 66 people registered for my presentation and more than 100 showed up. I was surprisingly cool, calm and appeared collected.
It seemed that the presentation went off without a hitch and I was finally able to relax and enjoy the rest of the conference, and it was at this moment that I again realized why I changed my life to be in this business. After the presentation, I had a line of people waiting to speak with me, asking me questions and seeing if I was for hire. I was shocked, overwhelmed and pretty much numb. We collected our things and continued throughout the day, enjoying the rest of the conference.
As Jill and I moved in and out of the different yoga classes, moving out bodies to the rhythm of the different musical selections the instructors had and to the rhythm of our own breath, my body filled with joy and bliss. During on of the classes we had taken, I found myself reduced to tears, and left trying to understand where that sorrow came from. I quickly realized that it wasn't sorrow I was feeling.. it was elation.
I will admit that I haven't been a very good "yoga practitioner" lately. I have moved away, far away from my own yoga practice and just focused on my teaching and others. But, not only had I moved away from my practice, I have moved away from myself, my breath and my ability to feel.
So this sorrow that I thought I was feeling, was not sorrow at all. I was actually able to FEEL again, and for this all the anxiety, the stress and the sleepless nights I endured up until my part of the conference was over, was worth it.
I have reconnected to myself again, I have found my breath again and I can see all the good that is in my life and for that, I am grateful..
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