Untitled for a reason..

Why are we so obsessed with titles all the time? The subject of titles came up several times today, and I was trying to figure out why there is such a need to titling everything. I recently taught a Chakra workshop for my teachers in training, asking them to describe themselves without using titles or hobbies or what they did for a living. But to truly describe wheat makes them up. And it was awesome what they were able to come up with and how difficult of a question it was when you took away the titles. Why? I have been trying to teach and encourage my students to teach yoga asanas without using the title of the popes, just describe it from the ground up..and that is a very challenging task..why? At my job, I was asked about what my title should be..well, in that instance I guess a title would be necessary. Especially since I am the finance manager. But seriously, what's with all the emphasis on titles everywhere.. Why are we just not our descriptions? I was actually described in an email that was forwarded to me, as an instructor who has knowledge in a specific field.. What about my name?? How great would it be if we could use our vocabulary to properly describe things to the best of our ability, to show what we were truly feeling about that item, instead of using a title that already has a particular emphasis on it. For example, let's take the title of instructor.. Or even yoga instructor. The immediate vision is someone who is teaching at the front of a room, lecturing or demonstrating yoga. How about, a person who has acquired ancient knowledge from experience and research, and has seen the amazing results of this ancient practice of quieting the mind and body, and now wants to share. Doesn't that sound better??

A Most Grounding Experience

For more than 10 years now, I have been a vinyasa teacher, and my students are drawn to my classes because of my style, flow and corny jokes (at least that is what they tell me).  In my own personal practice, I love a quick vinyasa class as well, and recently I am loving heated classes.  I know I should focus more on a traditional Hatha practice or even a restorative or Yin practice, but I just love getting my heart rate up.

Last night, I made a quick decision to take a heated vinyasa class that was given specifically for the full moon.  Normally this class a fast paced class with an amazing soundtrack that does wonders for my mind and spine.  Last night though, the practice was an LSD (Long, Slow and Deep) class in more ways than one.  It was taught to the soundtrack of Dark Side of the Moon by Pink Floyd., the only light was from the full moon which shone through the windows of the studio, the class was wall to wall with people and it seemed the temperature was exceptionally hot.

I needed this class on a few different levels, but before I get into that.. have you ever experienced an "Ah Ha!" moment in a yoga class? or in any situation really?  For me lately, whenever I can sneak in my own practice, which usually consists of me finding a sub for a class I need to be teaching. It's to escape the day, escape the thoughts and just move.  I needed that "Ah Ha" moment, but I do realize they can't be forced.

As we started moving through the moon salutation series slowly in class, my immediate thoughts went directly to my physical body.. my spine, which wasn't performing as I had wanted it to.  It was moving a lot slower than normal, which was ironic because this normally fast paced class, was much slower than it normally is. It was almost like my spine was forcing me to slow down.    Recently everything on me seems slower. You see, I gave up caffeine..cold turkey.. and boy was I paying for it.  Although I firmly believe had I not made this decision, my heart was going to explode from the amount of caffeine I was consuming and from the very noteworthy heart palpitations I was getting.  I went from hitting the ground running, to struggling to stay awake during the day and dealing with a very very annoying headache.

As the class progressed, I started to notice my spine less and my thoughts more. I really try to keep all my thoughts at bay when I am practicing, for this is my time for a moving meditation, no matter how fast paced the class is.  With the slower pace of this class, the immense heat, and the fantastic soundtrack that was turned up so loud you could barely hear the instructor, my thoughts were very very present.  Instead of fighting myself, I decided to let it ride and see what was there.

It is always shocking to me what you think about during your day that is so inconsequential, yet just needs to be dealt with in order for it to subside. Silly things like laundry or food shopping always creep up. Once you can resolve those thoughts, the bigger ones start to percolate.  Those were the ones I was trying to avoid... no one likes to reveal themselves TO themselves.  I decided to let it ride.. with each breath and each movement the thoughts kept coming, demanding to be looked at and dealt with.. and so.. I did.  My breathe took me to the next pose, and my mind took me through the thoughts and suddenly it was just me in this room, with the amazing energy of those surrounding me, as if they knew I needed assistance.

And for the first time in a LONG time, I didn't feel any anxiety, I didn't feel  any panic, I was just able to feel what it was like to be me.. Stephanie.. with the layers peeled back and the movement organic through body and mind.  And I have to say what a difference that made.. my hour long "Ah Ha" moment.

Today just feels like an extension of last night.. I am more grounded, more organized and more focused.. and a little more at ease with myself.. what more can you ask for in a yoga class?

The Change

I don't know anyone who would disagree with me that yoga helps create change. You hear that so often in yoga classes, to observe your breath, notice the difference in your body in the beginning of the class to the end of the class... But is this the change we speak of? Are there other ways yoga promotes change?

Change occurs in ways that go sometimes unnoticed. Physical change is usually the first part of the "yoga shift" that we see. We notice our hamstrings are a little more pliable because triangle pose is slightly less excruciating. We see that our upper body is getting stronger because we don't feel like we will break our nose in Chataranga. Physical progress is great, it's immediate proof that we are actually seeing a shift towards a healthier, stronger body.

But what about the other stuff that starts to change from a continual yoga practice, the more subtle stuff. The stuff that flutters through your mind briefly, but still has you take notice.

A fantastic conversation was had by my teacher trainers a few months ago about how you start to take a look at the people in your life and realize you no longer have anything in common. Maybe it's a distant friend, or maybe it's your best friend. These are some changes that are more subtle, but extremely profound.. And leaves you speechless. How do you handle this?

This has happened to me quite a few times, and I always react the same way.. With a feeling of sadness. Sad that one of us has grown and one of us has stayed.. And the hardest thing is trying to figure out which one grew. We all know this answer, but are we willing to admit it and keep on changing, or are you going to stay in status quo because it's "easier." Yoga teaches us to grow, and shift and break old patterns and create new better ones. This cycle never stops, shift happens and it's what you do with it that is the most important.

Kancho Cameron Shayne, the founder of Budokon Yoga said something to me last year that was so profound I shall never forget it..he said to me " stop hiding behind your story, the way you do anything is the way you do everything...". And boy was he right...The way we do even the slightest things reflects how we handle outlives in its entirety. Yoga helps us see this, if we are willing. Are you willing?

How Yoga Really Works... According to me

Everyday, I am reading more and more articles about the negative effects of yoga, but no one is focusing on the benefits of yoga and how it heals more than just the body.

Of course, I am only able to speak for myself but I can tell you that the yoga didn't just help my physical rehabilitation, but also my spiritual and mental rehabilitation. When I was a kid, diagnosed with scoliosis and severe asthma, Yoga was my beacon of light in not such a pleasant time. I was embarrassed about wearing this insanly large and obtuse plastic back brace, I was embarrassed I couldn't play sports like other kids my age without gasping for air, and so I became very complacent with the idea of "I can't.". I was a musician and stuck to just that, but everything else scared me.

I eventually found my way to a yoga class with the coaching of doctors, and the first class I took I hated so much I wanted to walk out after only 10 minutes. It hurt, it was slow, I couldn't breathe and I was bored. But I was told how good it was for me, and I needed something. The impact it had on my physically in only a few weeks time was amazing and kept going.

The physical impact was, in my eyes, all I needed. My spine was becoming more and more flexible, I was able to breathe better, my knees stopped hurting.. And all from yoga!! I was satisfied enough to get my own certification and help kids just like me. What I didn't know was how much yoga affected me mentally and spiritually, and the journey isn't over yet.

The thing that makes me so upset and angry about all of these articles that are coming out lately, is they are focusing on individuals who had extreme cases of injuries, and many of the injuries were self inflicted. Nor was there any mention of their pre-existing conditions. I too, have many pre- existing conditions, and I have "injured" myself in yoga from time to time, but I used them as a learning experience, learning about my body and what it is capable of.

Sometimes yoga is something that sneaks up on you, suddenly colors are brighter, the air smells different, your confidance get a littler stronger, you stop being so uncomfortable in your own skin and you start to appreciate everything you have... At least that's MY experience. Why is no one talking about this?

Patience, Persistence and Serenity

Going on a full weeks work at the new gig for the summer. The preparation it took to get to this point was almost impossible, with nothing but problems everywhere I turned.  This week has definitely shown me what I am capable of, and gave me the opportunity to rediscover myself in ways I haven't seen in years.
Within the first 3 days of arriving at the resort,  all technology went down, power outages, servers malfunctioning, no internet service with 37 guests arriving in 48 hours.  All of these things are way beyond my control, however, frustrating nonetheless.  I managed to get an amazing amount of work done with 4 hours of sleep a night.
One of the most interesting things that I learned (aside from not feeding the technology gremlins after midnight), is how quickly my team came together.  We have 3 returning staff from last year, but 3 of us are brand new, and we became a family and a support system almost instantly, or so I thought..
Sunday rolls around and the 37 guests come pouring in from all directions, and what I thought was a completely organized system ended up being a train wreck as we fell farther and farther behind on doing their entry assessments.  We were TRYING to get all of them done on Sunday, however, now looking back at the math- 37 guests with a 1/2 hr session each x 3 trainers/5 hours= NOT ENOUGH TIME. But again, I keep my cool and we move ahead with assessments the next day.
As the days roll by, each guest has more and more "food allergies" driving my poor nutritionist and dietitian crazy. More small fires to be put out, no big deal.. I finally get my first day off on Tuesday and boy do I NEED it, and just like that WHAM- my team falls apart!  Suddenly we are having communication issues, I am at my wits end, and everyone needs to just stop and take a breath... including me.
My first reaction, as always is "F*ck This!" I am OUT!.. and then Rational Stephanie showed up a little while later, and sat back and thought about the situation at hand decided that with Persistence and Serenity- this too shall pass.
We are now on day 6 and things are finally falling into place, running like a semi-rusty machine as the technology gremlins are STILL at work, but, now I just shrug my shoulders and pull out a notebook and pen and start writing.
Its an interesting thing to be thrown into a situation like this, professionally its a change, personally is a HUGE change, and spiritually... well I haven't found that side of me in quite a while.. i'm working on it.
One of the things I HAVE found is my ability to smile when things get hard, breathe when the stress begins to creep up.. and not be afraid to cry when I feel like I just need too...

Teaching Under The Influence Of..

Teaching under the influence of self, is the hardest thing for me personally.  There are so many factors that go into designing and implementing a class, and the last thing that should play a part in it is your own emotions.  Normally, I am able to put aside anything I am dealing with personally, but for some reason, tonight was a different story.
Stress can play tricks with your mind and body, making you feel sad, angry, disconnected from others, or even feeling sick.  Yoga teaches you to move through the stress you are harboring, allowing you freedom of expression in your own practice, connection to your breath and the ability to put aside the things that are causing you stress to focus on yourself.  Considering I am a yoga educator, you would think I could manage my own stress!
Stress manifests it self in many ways for me.  I have learned over the years how to react in stressful situations, diffusing them before they become more than they should.  However, I have yet to manage all the little things that tend to creep up on me and finally ignite with a simple little spark.  Breathing techniques, and my own powerful yoga practice will usually put my mind and body back into a more clear and focused place.
Teaching others these techniques when you can't implement them on yourself proves to be quite difficult. Trying to stay focused inside the whirlwind of thoughts that circulate throughout your head is a task all on its own.
I could easily take this experience tonight and beat myself up about it, or learn from it.  I will always learn from every experience.  Coming back to the reasons I chose the life I lead, loving the way I feel after teaching yoga, embracing all that is good in my life lets my stress just dissipate on its own.  I will just sit back.. and feel..

Namaste

New York Yoga Journal Conference

Back in early April, I was asked to be a presenter at the Yoga Journal Conference in NY, and I thought it was a joke.  The person that had contacted me, I had never heard of before. And yet, somehow, he heard of me.  After verifying that this was in fact legit, I quickly accepted the request.  About ten minutes after I said yes, panic set in.
Speaking in front of people has never been my strongest point, although it seems like I do this every day when I teach a class.  In classic Stephanie style, I waited until the week before to put together the presentation and hoped for the best. Luckily I had help from loved ones and my assistant Jill.
The night before the conference was the most stressful.  I couldn't sleep, I couldn't relax, the only thing I did do was toss and turn and check the time every 10 minutes.
We arrived at the conference a half hour early, just enough time to get set up.  I had 66 people registered for my presentation and more than 100 showed up.  I was surprisingly cool, calm and appeared collected.
It seemed that the presentation went off without a hitch and I was finally able to relax and enjoy the rest of the conference, and it was at this moment that I again realized why I changed my life to be in this business. After the presentation, I had a line of people waiting to speak with me, asking me questions and seeing if I was for hire. I was shocked, overwhelmed and pretty much numb.  We collected our things and continued throughout the day, enjoying the rest of the conference.

As Jill and I moved in and out of the different yoga classes, moving out bodies to the rhythm of the different musical selections the instructors had and to the rhythm of our own breath, my body filled with joy and bliss.  During on of the classes we had taken, I found myself reduced to tears, and left trying to understand where that sorrow came from.  I quickly realized that it wasn't sorrow I was feeling.. it was elation.
I will admit that I haven't been a very good "yoga practitioner" lately.  I have moved away, far away from my own yoga practice and just focused on my teaching and others. But, not only had I moved away from my practice, I have moved away from myself, my breath and my ability to feel.
So this sorrow that I thought I was feeling, was not sorrow at all.  I was actually able to FEEL again, and for this all the anxiety, the stress and the sleepless nights I endured up until my part of the conference was over, was worth it.
I have reconnected to myself again, I have found my breath again and I can see all the good that is in my life and for that, I am grateful..